(warning this is a super long post, Don't read it unless you have time, )
And I know that if I don't figure out a way to get them out of my mind it is going to eat me alive from the inside out... So this is going to be the post that I get it all out.... I know it may not be the smartest of things since others can read it, and they will take it out of proportion. Know I am well, I just need to get things off my mind. To see things Clearly.
I think it was today's lesson in Relief Society that got me thinking about my trials that I have. And then of all things, these books I have been reading made me think of my Eternal Happiness. ( I know that book was written to be the perfect sort of life, But it still got me thinking...)
Well I have recently applied for a job in Oregon, I had been hoping it would work out that I would be offered this job, I felt so right about it, But I knew if I didn't get it It would be for good. So This week when I was denied the job, for whatever reason, they didn't say, I was little Annoyed, and Angry..... It is mid April and I have yet to secure a job for the summer, or next fall. I have been praying and Praying I would be directed to a job posting that would work out for me, and so with every job I applied for I was hoping this could be the right one. But it was with this one in Oregon, that I felt it would be the best one.... Well apparently not!
I have just been... Well annoyed a guess with my life in General. I mean I am happy with my job, but not with where, and I feel I am missing something. I am just feeling the joy and happiness that life would have for me. I feel I am at stand still, I know I am progressing spiritually, I am learning so much about myself. Rather its the progression in General. I want to find a job that would be more permanent. Somewhere where I can make my home, I love the idea of traveling but I don't like, nor have I ever liked living out of a suitcase. And that is all these jobs give me a temporary address for a time, and then I am off to the next place.
I feel Life is moving forward all around me, and then here I stand trying to move forward, but I don't.
SO I have been praying for the happiness and joy that will come the the moving forward with progression, I want to move somewhere where I will feel this. So I have been praying every night that I will receive notice from somewhere i applied or will find a place that will bring this happiness.
Last week I received a blessing from my Bishop for some low back pain, and in it I was promised I will receive the happiness and Joy I am seeking... He said it word for word the way I have been praying for it, It brought so much hope in heart. He also said that it won't come easily, I will have to stretch and ... I forget the word he used but I will have some more growing to get it....
SO I just have all this going in my head... I know I have many attributes from the Lord and I have more he is helping me develop. I hold firm to my faith, and the promises he has given to me through my Blessings, I have been given. I have come to realize there is a strength about me, that has help me overcome many of my trials.
But I have heard it say that "...with strength there comes some loneliness." And It is this loneliness I am feeling. I know I have lots of friends and family so I am not "Lonely", But I feel there is no one who understands me... this is all I can hope and wish for, someone I can have who I can share things with, and can get me and understand me.
I know it will come, its just when?
I will just have to hold out, stay firm in the faith. Rely on the scriptures, prayers, and use the faith I have.
Well those are the ramblings of my head today. I know trials are but a small moment....
3 comments:
Good luck finding a job! I definately have a testimony that things happen for a reason and the Lord's plan is sometimes different than our plan.
I'll be thinking about you as you look for a job and possibly move back!
Stephanie..You constantly amaze me with the depth of your faith. I wish I could get to a place in my life where I could rely on the Lord like you do. You're such an inspiration to me! Do you know yet when you're coming back to Vegas?
I know how that feeling goes.
If you wanted (I'm not sure this is your field or what you're interested in), the Truckee Meadows Water Authority is hiring temporary seasonal workers to teach the public about water conservation, etc. Then you could be back here in the West and we have a couple of good University wards here... Just a thought. :)
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